A Mother Grieving
by rabbitmonkey
Summary: BLOOD BROTHERS. Mrs Johnstone telling her story, her thoughts and her regrets. One shot. Please R


My name is Mrs Johnstone, I am the mother that gave one of her babies away. I wish I could just turn the clock back, wish I could go back to being in that room with Mrs Lyons. If I could I would never have blurted that I was having twins. I was in shock, y'know, finding out it was two more mouths to feed. I had just got it all sorted, with my cleaning job and all. We could've scraped by with one more mouth to feed, but not two. I already had the welfare people on my back, saying I couldn't control the kids I had. I'd like to see how they would cope with seven hungry kids every night! And I never even had a husband to help out! They even said I should put some of them into care, but I couldn't do that!I love them all – they all grew up in a home where they were loved, and that's an important thing to me. But as they say, you can't live on love alone – you need the money to feed, clothe and educate your children. And that's what Mrs Lyons could offer.

I love and hate that woman. She gave my baby everything I could ever have hoped for him – a loving family, and all the opportunities I couldn't have dreamt of giving him. Edward, the twin I gave away, he got to go to university, became a councillor too, would you believe it! I love Mrs Lyons for that, but she was so cruel not letting me see my baby. I was denied seeing my son; my own flesh and blood grow into the fine young man he became. Most people don't have any sympathy for me. It's my fault they say, I'm the one who gave him away they say. But it wasn't that simple – she tricked me, said I could see him any time I wanted. She lied. The first opportunity she had she fired me, and kept me away from my son. Then she told me that_ bloody_ superstition. Only recently did I find out that that too was a lie! Me being such astupid, superstitious woman I believed her! I swear I would have told him earlier if I had known it was all a lie.

I wish with all my heart I had kept both of my babies in the first place. If I had they wouldn't be dead, would they? Mickey wouldn't have shot his brother and wouldn't have been shot down himself.

He hard a hard life did our Mickey, he grew up faster than anyone should have to, but he was a good boy. Always thinking of others he was. It was always "Need any help, Mam?" or "Want me to fix that for ya, Mam?" I know he wasn't perfect. I'm not blind. I saw him go to prison, but that wasn't his fault. He needed money, that was it, he needed money for his wife and child and Sammy, my Sammy, dragged Mickey into the life of crime. God help me, I love Sammy, like any mother will love her child, but I will never forgive him for getting Mickey involved – for ruining his life. Even as a kid, when Sammy would knick everything of his, Mickey always looked up to his big brother, always wanted to feel like one of the big kids. Sammy took advantage of Mickey's desperation, being unemployed and all that.

Mickey really fell apart in the wretched prison. He became depressed, had to take these tablets to keep his spirits up. Oh and what a lot of good those done him. He ended up depressed _and_ addicted to the damn things. It created all sorts of troubles between him and Linda.

Such a nice girl, Linda. I always knew her and Mickey would get married. They were such great friends. When Mickey and Edward met as kids, they didn't even know they were twins mind you, the three of them became inseparable. I still can't believe how it all turned out. It all got so complicated – Edwards was happy with a good life and … well…. Mickey just wasn't that lucky. All he had was his Linda. When he thought Edward was taking her from him he just lost it. Well, he had nothing to lose, did he? Took a gun to Edwards he did. I was scared, didn't want to lose a son, I couldn't think of anything worse. So, I told them. I told them the truth. I didn't think Mickey would ever shoot his own brother. But he did. Accident or not, he shot his brother. He blew him away. And my biggest regret? Is that Mickey died hating his Mam. I could hear it in his voice, my baby hated me before he was shot down by the police. I know what everyone says about me now, that I have a heart of stone, but if you had been through what I have then so would you. No one should ever have to bury one of their children. I had to bury two.

It's all my fault. All my fault. I'll have to live with that the rest of my days, and just like Mickey did before he died, hate me for it.


End file.
